I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
