Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vodka?
Forever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
