If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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