After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
