I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
