I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
