it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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