Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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