More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
