She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
