I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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