I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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