My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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