You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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