His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
