yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
