WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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