I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
