I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
