I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
