Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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