New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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