waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
