the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
