I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
