Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think your dad took our porno
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
