Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
