Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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