What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
