You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
