Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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