My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
