I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
