If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
