At least make sure they are 18
Why
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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