how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
