I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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