Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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