Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have aggressive nipples.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
