How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
