all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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