Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
