I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
