Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
