I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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