i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
