I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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