You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
