it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
