Your tits are I can't wait for
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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