The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
