keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
