More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
