I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
