I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
