i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
