So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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