I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
