my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
