Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
