just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
