this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
