It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
