Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
