I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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