Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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